The devil's in the bugs

Yesterday morning I was talking to the kids while they were eating their "power breakfast" because Sam had a big math test:  egg sandwiches with turkey, cheese and spicy mustard, and I even let Sam have some green tea with caffeine to make his brain work.  Sam screamed and jumped and said he had a tick walking across his hand.  He ran across the room whining for me to go find the tick and dispose of it.  Which I did, but then he spent the rest of the morning looking all around him, wanting me to locate ticks everywhere he sat so he'd be safe.  He actually found 2 more on the floor, one alive and one dead, but he still wanted me to pick them up.

So I told him my theory that the devil is in bugs and little nasty things like bacteria and viruses.  I really think "he" goes after us any way he can, and often it isn't through big temptations.  He rides us, making us feel that we can't be safe in our own homes, feeling fearful, and then through many of them, transferring diseases to us like Lyme disease, with many horrible and vague symptoms.  Always symptoms where we might be doubted, and question ourselves and our integrity.  Diseases that are pervasive and very difficult to get rid of, that will come back at the drop of a hat.  Things that can destroy our lives.  That is just the kind of thing that the devil will do.

And I said, "You know, I don't even think the devil's a "he", I think he's just" and here I paused trying to find the right word.  I didn't pause long enough.  "He's just a...dick."  And Sam nearly spit his orange juice out on the floor laughing.  He's still laughing about it today, that Mommy would use that word to describe the devil.  Dave, who is currently in California for meetings, was somewhat appalled and said he hopes Sam won't start using that word now like Abby's using "crap".  Mommy needs to clean up her mouth.

The point of my story (other than the fact that I shouldn't tell stories until Mommy's had her caffeine) to the kids was that we need to be prepared to battle the bugs and not let them win.

So last night I was in my bedroom and coming downstairs to close up the house for the night.  I stepped out and in the hall on my left saw the hugest black wasp I've ever seen.  I quickly went back into my bedroom, texted Dave to ask if he'd fly back home to take care of it, and geared up.  I donned my yellow raincoat and hood, as well as my pretty new strappy keens over my jammies, and grabbed a pile of magazines.  For the next 5 minutes I'd open the door, hunt down my prey and throw a magazine at it.  It was hard to get a good angle, so I'd glance off it but never get a direct blow.  I threw a couple of books for good measure, and only made a small dent in the wall.

Every couple of minutes I'd text Dave who must have been at dinner, then finally, with adrenaline pumping out of my fingertips, made my mark.  I buried him under several big books until I was sure he was dead, and texted Dave my final victory.  Wondering why the heck he didn't answer back, I looked down and realized...I had texted the whole story of my epic battle to Martina!

She called this morning laughing hysterically and told me about her carpenter ant infestation.  I identified the wasp as a great black wasp, one of the most dangerous stings.  I spent the rest of the day with the pantry moths.  3 times I've had to change my strategy as more and more research is showing me that these guys can eat through packaging and plastic, and get out of tupperware.  Ugh!  I still haven't seen any eggs or larvae, just the little "cocoons" of the adults.  But I'm sure they're there.  This was at least the 3rd day I spent on this, as I really store quite a bit of food in my pantry.  I have gone through the food 4 or 5 times, and I keep on throwing more away.  Really just keeping cans, jars, and a few packages that look safe or are new.  But I have seen them inside the flaps of brand new boxes, so I don't feel like I can keep anything in cardboard or plastic. Now everything is in double or triple packages and the pantry is emptied out and wiped down.  I'm waiting for my glass airtight storage containers to arrive and planning how to continue to win my battle.

Spring reality check in

April 17, 2012

I still have one shelf to go of the pantry moth project which I have managed to put off for about 2 weeks now.  Bins of food double-bagged, tied and further corralled in plastic are all over the kitchen.  I have been watching the genius invention hanging in my pantry for over a week now:  lady moth hormones, hot to those moth dudes and pressed into a little patch, are placed on fly paper,hanging from the ceiling.  And now covered with eternally slumbering moths.  This is the second batch, and they seem to be slowing down.

The leaves are finally popping out on the trees and New Hampshire is doing spring well this year.  The trees are all blossoming, the forsythia is in full golden bloom, and daffodils have popped up in clumps all over the front garden.  This is the only season that I look on my yard with fondness coming up the driveway--all the flowers and colors distract my eye from the special needs situation of the rest of my landscaping.  But for now (other than the first time in winter it is all mercifully covered with snow!) I can enjoy it.

But am I outside enjoying it?  No.  I am sitting here again bemoaning the state of my life as a stay at home mom.  Staying at home beyond my welcome as my kids are 13 and 10.  Which is almost 14 and 11, far beyond the time that most semi-reluctant stay at home moms have moved past their ambivalence and self-questioning and gotten the "moving back into the career path" job that leads them onward.

Don't get me wrong, I love being with my kids when they are home, even the driving around, helping with homework and cooking endless meals part.  I could do without the cleaning part, was just telling a friend that I would like to have the money for a maid to run ahead of me into a room just to make sure its straightened.  I do have serious fantasies about someone cleaning my floors.

No, its the hours in between that drag on and on.  I can't do enough to fill them despite my volunteering, Bible studies, working out, walking the dog, leading Destination and FIRST teams, prayer groups, lunches and errands with friends, ethnic cooking extravaganzas, blah blah blah. Every time I look for a job, there is something about it that doesn't seem right.  I don't want to work in my former career as a clinical social worker in prisons and psych hospitals, as it is too all-consuming and potentially dangerous. I want something "fun" that can lead me on in a future of excitement and mind-challenge.  Super convenient and high paying, of course.  I have looked into new careers as a teacher, nurse administrator, sociologist, prison bible study leader, domestic violence advocate, author, artist, journalist, librarian, naturopath, holistic nutrition educator, chef, school counselor, personal shopper, bakery owner, on and on.  

None of them seem right, although briefly I am always sure that this is the career path for me!  I research schools or jobs, send emails, plan commutes and incomes, even interview, and always stop before I move on.  I know the reality is that I feel obligated to be there for my kids when they're sick, have a snow day, on vacations, weekends, evenings and summer.  My husband can't fill in the gaps for me and we don't have family around to help.  And even though my kids are old enough to come home for an hour or two on their own, I just can't stomach the idea of that.  I've worked so long and hard to get my kids to the point that they're both doing relatively well.  I don't want to make myself unavailable to them.  I know how much they both need me when they need me, although those times are getting less often.

So I'm still here even though I know its probably not the best use of my time.  And a lot of it I feel like I'm sitting around waiting to be needed.  Which frankly seems like a silly occupation but someone has to do it.  I keep praying that God will pop the perfect job or pastime into my lap and He doesn't.  Or maybe He really already has...